February 6, 2008

Love and Politics

At last, Super Tuesday is behind us and we can get on with our lives.

Right. In reality, the election hoopla is only beginning to crank up and we have nine more months of politics dominating the news and talk shows and being bombarded with flyers, yard signs and our co-workers' opinions.

Being a voter is like being courted by someone with a stalker mentality. Everywhere you go, Mr. or Ms. Candidate is there, exhorting you to choose him or her. (With all due respect to Hillary, let's ditch the awkward he/she thing, shall we?) He has his friends call you and talk him up. He leaves notes in your mailbox. He is careful to put his best foot forward. He tells you what you want to hear.

If we're tired of being courted, imagine how the candidates must feel. Not only do they have to try to please us, they have to do it with their hands out, begging for money with which to continue the barrage of media. Of course, whoever wins gets to be the most powerful person in the world for four years, so I guess they think it's worth it.

By the way, February is not only an important month for the primaries, it's also Relationship Wellness Month. The originators of this special observance (wordsofwellness.com) remind us of the four signs of a deteriorating relationship: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Oddly enough, they are also signs of what we have to look forward to in the presidential race.

1. Criticism - as in attacking someone's character. It's not wise to do this to your spouse, but it has become an integral part of presidential campaigning. The trouble is, just like a bickering couple, the candidates' use of mutual character assassination just ends up making everyone feel diminished.
2. Contempt-this is a playground tactic unworthy of mature couples or presidential candidates. Do you really want to see the candidates roll their eyes and call each other names? I keep expecting one of the debates to end with someone shouting, "I'm rubber and you're glue-everything you say bounces off of me and sticks to you!'
3. Defensiveness-not an attractive reaction to criticism, but one that each candidate hopes to inspire in the other. Being defensive makes one look weak, even guilty. Please, people, don't put your loved one in this position.
4. Stonewalling-an all-too-familiar term in politics. When a spokesperson at a news conference says, "No comment. Next question," this is stonewalling. In a love relationship, it happens when all communication has broken down and one or both of the partners refuses to discuss the issue at hand.

No matter who we choose in November, our commitment is only for four years. In 2012, if we're dissatisfied, we can throw the bum out and have a fresh start.

Unfortunately, many couples have the same attitude. Angela Brown Oberer, in the article "Keys to a Long lasting Relationship," tells us not to toss the person we pick. "Although we live in a disposable society where it is common to discard …anyone who irritates us," she says, "realize that the person you have chosen to spend your life with is human and will eventually make mistakes…"

And so will our new President. Whomever we choose in November, let's try to make the honeymoon last at least as long as the campaign.