January 25, 2008

I've Been Pitched

When I first started getting the e-mails, I thought Keeper and I had been pranked. Message after message rolled in, extolling the advantages of "the lifestyle"-which is not what you think. It has nothing to do with a comfortable retirement, or playing golf, or taking care of your health. The "lifestyle" the messages were referring to involves, well…let me just quote Todd Crawford, the owner of LoveVooDoo, who has created an event for aficionados of the lifestyle: "What better way to get to know each other than to get drunk, naked, and chill on the beach at Hedonism III?" When he says, "getting to know each other," he means…how shall I put this… getting friendly with other people's spouses.

Clearly, Keeper and I are not the target audience for this message. The closest we ever get to swapping with another couple is sharing a dessert when we go out for dinner with friends.

Then I realized that the PR person for drunk, naked swingers was not targeting me personally. Oh, no. She wanted me, as a trusted media person, to share the information with you, my readers. So, there you go.

In the interest of bringing you the latest news you can use, I feel compelled to share with you some other tidbits that have come through my mailbox.

I get a lot of information about new product releases. One in particular caught my eye. It promises to "save time, money, and the environment." What's not to love there? I went to the web site of this product, a dish-cleaning invention called Magic Sheet. ™ I clicked on "demo videos" and was instantly mesmerized by a seemingly endless homemade infomercial featuring the inventor (a buff grandma with long blond hair) obsessively wiping her dirty pots and pans with what appeared to be an ordinary paper towel but is supposedly infused with time-saving, grease-cutting organic and biodegradable substances. The whole time she is demonstrating this environmentally friendly product, she lets the water run in the sink.

I always have to investigate outrageous claims. One recent e-mail promised "You can retire in a weekend!" This has to be too good to be true. If you want to check it out for yourself, go to http://www.retireinanweekend.com . this is not an endorsement.

Some claims are much more modest. There's one that offers to help us Boomers get more exercise and have more fun. All we need is "the world's only TRUE folding trike," a handy 3-wheeler that will fold down in four seconds, "allowing seniors ample opportunities for storage- on a yacht, jet or even in the smallest of car trunks." The web site (http://www.foldingmotorbike.com) claims that the tricycle is great for cruising the beach, so you might want to consider taking it along on your next trip to a seaside swingers convention.

Have fun. Keeper and I will be at home, scrubbing the pots and pans.