Just One More

Would you like to make some easy money?  Sit right down in front of this slot machine and enjoy a free drink…

Just One More

The idea for this column started with one of those made-for-TV movies starring the svelte-and-botoxed version of Delta Burke. Delta plays a wife, mother and director of a nonprofit.  She’s an upstanding citizen until she visits her first casino.  She quickly becomes addicted to the poker machines and ends up…

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Skipping My High School Reunion

Do you dream about attending your high school reunion and blowing everyone away with your wonderfulness? Yeah, like that’s gonna happen.

Skipping My High School Reunion

It’s high school reunion time and I’m not going to mine. Sure, I’m curious about what happened to the cheerleaders and the jocks and everyone else who was at the top of the heap, and I harbor a secret hope that they are all living in squalor in a trailer park somewhere.

The reason I’m not going is …

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Taking My Own Advice

I’m a sucker for advice columns.  If I had my own, I’d give out some tough love, I’ll tell you that.  Maybe I should start with myself.  Here’s a taste of this week’s column…

Taking My Own Advice

I get asked a lot of questions, as does anyone whose e-mail address is on the web.  Most of the questions are poorly written inquiries into my sexual prowess, with promises to enhance it with some product or other for a low, low price of only $49.95.  If these hucksters took the time to target their sales pitch, they would know that

middle-aged women do not buy penis-extenders, and

spelling counts, even in a male-enhancement ad.

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It’s Gonna Be One Helluva Party

I do love a good party and next month provides a million reasons to get together and celebrate!  Here’s your personal invitation to THE party of the summer!

It’s Gonna Be One Helluva Party

You are cordially invited to a party in honor of National Bathroom Reading, Perennial Gardening, Soul Food Heritage, Aphasia Awareness, and Turkey Lovers’ Month. . .

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Keeper Fantasizes a Life

We all fantasize about something. As a child, I fantasized about being locked in a toy store overnight.  As a young woman, I had dreams of meeting the perfect guy. Today, I fantasize that someone will invent a pill that makes you lose weight AND grow hair.

My husband lives full-time in his own fantasies, and they may surprise you.

Keeper Fantasizes a Life

My husband has a very active fantasy life.  Now, before you start thinking this must make for some very interesting boudoir action, let me just say …

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Stop the Musical Torture!

Most of us have never experienced the kind of torture John McCain endured as a POW.  That doesn’t mean we’re not subjected to deliberately induced stress every day.  Today’s column is about the musical torture we undergo at restaurants.

Stop the Musical Torture!

I used to think that complaining about the noise in a restaurant was such an old-person thing. Now that I qualify for the Senior Specials when we dine out…

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A Day for Moms and Cops

This week’s column is FREE for everyone who is a mother, has a mother, or knows a mother.  If you have forgotten to send a Mother’s Day gift, it’s not too late!  Forward this column to the mother of your choice and then buy her a one-year subscription for the low, low price of $26.  Easy Peasy!

A Day for Moms and Cops

© 2009 by Mary Hanna

Chances are, you won’t forget Mother’s Day on Sunday.  Even if you were in a complete media blackout all week and you missed the commercials, the ads and the special sales, your own mother is bound to remind you.

Allow me to demonstrate.

Jason and Tom, if you are reading this, Sunday would be a good day to call and check to see if I’m still alive.  No flowers or cards necessary–just a 3-minute call to give me an update on your lives.  I’m tired of…(Read more)

Regrow, Recycle, Reuse

Sure, you recycle paper and plastic, but do you save your hair clippings and reuse them?

This lady does! Read the column:

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Enough With the Questions!

Never let it be said that the Internal Revenue Service doesn’t have a sense of humor.  Sure, the Tax Code is an instrument of torture, but IRS also has a page on their web site featuring funny quotes about taxes.  Here are a few:

“Income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf.” – Will Rogers

“People who complain about taxes can be divided into two classes: men and women.” – unknown

“Taxes are what we pay for civilized society.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Okay, so that last one is not so much funny as self-serving, but it beats the hell out of reading Publication 561, Determining the Value of Donated Property.

This week’s column recounts Tax Prep Day in the Hanna household (April 14, of course).

Here’s a taste:

Enough with the questions!

You’ve heard that the old saying, “Nothing is certain except death and taxes.”  In my…(Read more)

Ram the Wrestler vs. Snuggles the Kitten

Some people believe we are what we eat. If that’s true, I’m a taco salad with a side of tortilla chips. But surely we’re also what we see, what we hear, and what we think about all day.

I believe what we witness has a cumulative effect on our psyches, just as excess calories accumulate on our thighs. I plead guilty to putting too many carbohydrates into my body, but I’m really careful about what I put into my head. 

I won’t watch TV shows with violence. At least, I don’t watch them with my eyes open. If there is unexpected bloodshed or cruelty, I close my eyes and cover my ears. Sometimes I jump ship and go do the laundry or scrub the toilet. Either task is preferable to poisoning my mind with the ugliness of man’s inhumanity to man.

I sound like a priss, don’t I? Listen, I’m not some hothouse…(Read more)