Give me a call, Steve

It’s just a fact. Whatever your professional expertise, you can’t help using it to judge others’ efforts. If you’re a chef, a restaurant meal has you doing a critique in your head. If you’re an interior designer, you’re mentally re-arranging your friends’ furniture and accessories. If you’re a writer, you edit as you read anything at all, even letters from your mother.

So when Apple CEO Steve Jobs faced the nation to announce what he was going to do for unhappy iPhone 4 customers, my 20 years of public relations experience kicked in.

The issue, in a nutshell, was that some iPhone 4 users experienced dropped calls when they held the phone in a certain way. The media were outraged, comedians were delighted, and parodists had a field day with this perceived crack in Apple’s flawless façade.

The world breathlessly awaited Steve’s reaction. He called a news conference, donned his trademark black turtleneck and blue jeans, and began his multimedia presentation, which was broadcast live on CNN.

As a former PR person who has been tasked with avoiding scandals, explaining booboos, and verbally turning flaws into features, I had a particular interest in the much-anticipated performance. Add in the fact that I am a Mac Addict and iPhone 4 user and you’ll understand why I was riveted.

As I watched the news conference on my Macbook, Steve Jobs, incredibly, broke every rule there is about addressing a consumer PR issue. He minimized the problem (even demonstrating other smart phones’ similar issues), offered statistics about the tiny, even miniscule, percentage of iPhone users reporting the problem, and blamed the media for trying to tear down Apple. He kept using the word “Antennagate.” He repeatedly stressed that Apple’s engineers were “working their asses off” to make and perfect their products.

At the end, he stated that they wanted every iPhone user to be happy, and so the company was offering a free case to every user, and refunds to those who had already bought one of the cases, purported to solve the issue that is either a teeny, tiny problem blown totally out of proportion, or a mistake of global magnitude that would bring about the end of civilization as we know it, depending on whom you asked.

So, today I ordered my free case (there’s an app for that) and continued to put the blame for my own dropped calls squarely on the real reason for them – the lousy service from AT&T.

Still, I can’t get over the PR blunder that Jobs made. Obviously, his own PR people have given up and let Steve be Steve, and usually that works. This time, though, I wish I could have given him some outsider input.

Here’s how his statement would have gone:

“Here at Apple, we’re all about making our customers happy. It’s the foundation of our company – making products that work well, are beautiful, and are a joy to use.

Recently, there have been reports that a few iPhone customers are unhappy with the issue, endemic to smartphones, that causes a drop in service if you put your finger over the gap between antennas.

We have tracked the number of users reporting this problem to Apple at .55 percent. So even though 99. 45 percent of iPhone users do not have this problem with their phones, we want to make it right for all of our users.

Therefore, we are offering a free case for the iPhone 4, which will immediately prevent the issue that a few users are concerned with.

We stand by our products, which our customers seem to love. We are here to say, we love you back.

Thank you.”

I would have made him rehearse and I would cut him off at the knees if he had used any of the following words: stunned, antennagate, algorithm, or “grip of death.”

Steve, I love your products and your company. But you need to listen to your PR folks. If they didn’t tell you that you sounded self-righteous, fire them.

If you’re looking for some straight-up advice, I can be in Cupertino in 37 minutes. Give me a call.

© 2010 Mary Hanna