When in doubt, pluck it out

Ladies, this one is for you. Gentlemen, if you wonder what women talk about in locker rooms, feel free to listen in. Be advised, however, that the following may contain Too Much Information.

The after-class conversations of my aqua aerobics buddies sometimes tend toward the subject of aging. Most of us are in our Second Half and are feeling the effects of time and gravity. That’s why we love to be in the pool – we can, for a moment, overcome the laws of physics and once again feel young and graceful. Our saggy parts bounce and our bouncy parts float. It’s enough to make us giddy.

Last week, in the after-glow our of wet workout, a group of us hung out, treading water and discussing our facial hair.

One of us, let’s call her Margaret, had just been to the dermatologist to discover the cause of her thinning eyebrows. Her formerly bushy brows were nearly gone, with just a few hangers-on marking the brow line. The loss, she explained, was a form of alopecia caused by inflammation. She had to apply a topical medication in hopes that her brows would grow back. If they didn’t, the doctor recommended cortisone shots in the eyebrow region. Margaret thought it was payback for the years she spent torturing her eyebrows with wax and tweezers.

The entire group cringed at the prospect of needles in the face; a free-flowing discussion about facial hair problems ensued.

If you’re over 40, you know that Mother Nature has a way of making us feel less feminine as we age, to put it politely. To put it more bluntly, we start to turn into our fathers.

Every single lady in our group is plagued with unruly facial hair. I’m not talking about downy fuzz. I’m talking big, black coarse hairs that sprout out of our chins. There isn’t one of us who hasn’t been greeted in our morning mirror by an inch-long, wiry hair that appeared overnight. It’s a frightening experience.

Some of us have mustaches, too, but I’m not qualified to discuss the merits of shaving over waxing or plucking, because, thank God, I’m still hairless Hanna when it comes to my upper lip (and my legs, too, but that’s a different story).

Our small focus group is, I think, fairly typical. Most women our age are plagued with the indignity of rogue hair growth and/or fallout. At worst, it offers a new career opportunity with the circus. At best, it’s a good excuse to visit your favorite salon.

But ladies, here’s the one thing that makes it bearable: being able to laugh about it with your friends.