Can You Take a Compliment?

I am a compliment-giver. Sure, it’s probably because I am a bottomless pit of people-pleasing insecurity, but that doesn’t mean I’m not sincere.

In case you missed it, January 24 was National Compliment Day, when we were supposed to compliment a minimum of five people. If you live with fewer than five people, this required you to leave the house, as talking to people on TV (“Nice jacket, Oprah!”) does not count.

It’s not too soon to prepare for next year. Lets go over the rules for complimenting. Listen up.

1. Be sincere. If you are faking it, it comes out in your voice. No one appreciates a fake compliment. Sarcasm is not appropriate when complimenting someone.
2. If you can’t be sincere, be enthusiastic. An animated “You got your hair cut!” will suffice if your friend is sporting a hideous new ‘do that begs to be noticed.
3. Don’t overdo it. A good compliment stands alone. If you pour it on, the receiver may call time out and say, “Let me get my hip boots. It’s getting deep in here.”
4. Don’t comment on women’s clothes if you are a man. We know that when you say, “I like your sweater” you really mean, “Nice mammaries.”
5. Finally, dig deep. If your neighbor has noisy parties, his dog poops on your lawn and his kid practices hitting a tennis ball against your house, you may to get creative. “I admire your generosity in entertaining your friends so frequently,” said without a hint of sarcasm, might do the trick.

Equally important to knowing how to give a compliment is knowing how to take one. The way I see it, there are five basic styles of receiving a compliment.

1. The Denial. This is my mother, and maybe yours also. If I tell her I like her dress, she’ll say, “This old thing?” and proceed to tell me what a bargain it was. If you tell a denial type that they are smart, they’ll say, “No, I’m not.” They think they’re being modest, but what they’re really doing is telling you that you have bad judgment and/or bad taste.
2. The Bouncer. Pay this guy a compliment and he’ll bounce it right back. The comment, “I like your tie!” elicits a “Yours is the most attractive neckwear I have ever seen!” Nobody wins this game of back-and-forth. It is just embarrassing.
3. The Deflector. My friend Tom is one of these. If I tell him I like his sweater (and I’m not thinking “Nice pecs!” I swear) he’ll say “Do you really think so?” and immediately change the subject to the latest policy of the Federal Reserve.
4. The Blusher. Like the Deflector the Blusher appears to be uncomfortable with compliments, but is secretly tickled. Keeper is like this. If I tell him I like something he wrote, he’ll hang his head, blush, and mumble his thanks. Inside, he’s doing the Dance of Joy.
5. The Challenger. This person asks follow-up questions. If you say, “I liked your presentation” he’ll ask “What did you like best about it?” or “Did I go overboard on the third example?” He makes you sorry you said anything in the first place.


If you missed the official celebration on Saturday, today would be a good day to make up for it. If you are pressed for time, take the easy way out. Send all five compliments to mary@maryhanna.net. I may blush, but I promise not to ask annoying follow-up questions.