Truth in Advertising

I’m sure you’ve seen the news story about the Manhattan mother who advertised for a Nanny on Craigslist and called her kids “a pain.”

In case that wasn’t enough to scare off potential childcare workers, she added, “I can be a tad difficult to work for. I’m loud, pushy and while I used to think we paid well, I am no longer sure.”

She included a list of deal breakers, including being passive aggressive, being judgmental about giving Ritalin to children, or assuming that all wealthy women are frivolous.

Believe it or not, her brutally honest ad found her a Nanny, who signed on for a year-long stint after meeting only one of the four children. A college grad, the new hire had never been a Nanny before. She’s either totally naive or she has a book deal.

Reading the story made me wonder what would happen if all ads were the unvarnished truth.

Take real estate ads, for example. Realtors might as well play it straight, because their code was cracked long ago. We all know what is really meant by certain words in their ads. If a house is described as “cozy,” it is about 800 square feet and the bathroom is in a closet. If it is “ready for your ideas,” it still has avocado green appliances and linoleum floors. Wouldn’t it be refreshing if an ad said, “If you have a Labrador Retriever, he’ll never fit in this house. Call us if you decide to downsize to a Chihuahua!” or “Prepare to spend 6 months and $100,000 to make this one livable!”

Have you read any personal ads lately? I read them occasionally when I need one more reason to feel grateful. Talk about code words. Is there anybody left who doesn’t know that “mature” means “bald”? Likewise, I suspect that ‘adventurous” means “easy.” When men request “height and weight proportionate” they obviously mean “no chubbies.”

Can’t we just cut out the euphemisms? What if you just say, “I’m bald, have a gut that hangs over my shorts and live with my parents. If you’re a skinny, promiscuous babe with very low standards, give me a call.” You might just get lucky. Probably not, but you’ll save a lot of money by avoiding dates that go nowhere.

Listen, I understand that everyone wants to put his best foot forward. Nevertheless, I would love to see companies follow the lead of the Manhattan Mom. I had an employer years ago who should have advertised the job benefits this way:

Be prepared to put up with gossip, innuendo, and pettiness – and that’s just the executives! You’ll work long hours for short pay, be humiliated in public for mistakes you make, and will be condescended to by your superiors. Initiative rewarded with grudging praise, not cash. Must love tedium.
That little bit of Truth in Advertising would have saved me three years of employment hell.

Most of all, I wish the Presidential candidates would tell the truth. I would love it if both candidates would make commercials that say, “Look, we’re both good guys. Whichever one of us wins, the country is bound to be better off than it is now. By all means, vote for your favorite. But don’t think it will make any difference in the long run. In 30 years, it won’t matter who won. My name is Barack McCain and I approved this message.”

There now. Isn’t that refreshing?