You Can Pick My Next Computer

I need your help with an important decision that will affect my future. Should I stay the course with my personal technology or change it up? You, dear readers, will decide.

 Here’s the story.

 When it comes to computers, I’ve always been a PC kind of gal. I was content to go with the mainstream, investing in Windows software because that was the standard for business. I needed my machine to talk to everyone else’s.

Those Mac people were troublemakers. Their e-mails came through as garbage and prompted endless angst about “compatibility.” Why don’t they just give in? I thought. Apple had their chance to grab the market, but they refused to share their code. Windows won the battle and had saturated the market. It was time to surrender.

Surrender? Never! The MacAddicts swore we’d have to pry their fancy trackballs from their cold dead fingers.

Secretly, I envied them. They were a kind of…(Read more)

A Day for Nitpickers

The room was full of professional speakers, both beginning and accomplished. The presenter, a well-known marketing expert, was talking about achieving credibility as a speaker. A bullet on his PowerPoint slide, which I was following on the handout, said “Always site your sources.”

As I always do, I corrected the handout, crossing out “site” and writing “cite.” I turned to my friend and pointed it out. She acknowledged it with a nod.

“It affects his credibility,” I whispered.

“Are you going to say anything?” she asked, knowing my penchant for correcting people in public. She edged ever so slightly away from me, in case she needed to deny knowing me if, and when, I said something embarrassing.

A debate started in my head. Should I mention it? The guy had written something like 27 books. He was an expert. Then, again, it would save him from embarrassment in front of audiences that were not…(Read more)

What’s New, Pussycat?

Last Tuesday, I woke up coughing. “Are you OK?” called Keeper from the bathroom.

“Just coughing up a hairball,” I answered. Hack, hack.

It was 6 a.m. and Mr. Bobo the Wonder Cat had just licked himself clean on my pillow. Normally, I am not particularly sensitive to cat dander. Encountering a perfume sample in a magazine can send my lungs into a near-fatal spasm, but I don’t mind pet hair.

That morning, however, Mr. Bobo’s ablutions sent me running to the kitchen for a dose of Claritin. As I was waiting for my eyes to stop watering, I wondered if this was a one-time thing or if my pets would forever after cause me to cough up a lung every time I got near them.

How do people cope with pet allergies? Some simply deprive themselves of the pleasure of owning something furry and affectionate. Some opt for hypoallergenic dogs or freaky-looking hairless…(Read more)

Truth in Advertising

I’m sure you’ve seen the news story about the Manhattan mother who advertised for a Nanny on Craigslist and called her kids “a pain.”

In case that wasn’t enough to scare off potential childcare workers, she added, “I can be a tad difficult to work for. I’m loud, pushy and while I used to think we paid well, I am no longer sure.”

She included a list of deal breakers, including being passive aggressive, being judgmental about giving Ritalin to children, or assuming that all wealthy women are frivolous.

Believe it or not, her brutally honest ad found her a Nanny, who signed on for a year-long stint after meeting only one of the four children. A college grad, the new hire had never been a Nanny before. She’s either totally naive or she has a book deal.

Reading the story made me wonder what would happen if all ads were the unvarnished truth.

Take…(Read more)

Try a Little Humility Next Time

The trash-talking began with the first glass of wine. Keeper assured our dinner hosts and Scrabble opponents that they didn’t have a chance against us. After all, his wife (that would be me) was the Queen of All Word Games.

I worried all through the salad, the pasta, and the veal courses. Personally, I find that bragging about one’s supposed expertise prior to a competition is just asking for trouble. Keeper had put me on a shaky pedestal and dared anyone to knock me off.

Our opponents were humble and self-deprecating, describing themselves as a non-native English speaker and a bad speller. This was true on the surface, but in reality Luda is a highly intelligent Russian with a degree in Classics, and Tom has a mind like a steel trap.

Sure, I’m a professional writer and a good speller. But my husband, himself a brilliant writer, had a spotty education. He attended…(Read more)

Make a List and Tear It Up

Kids today. They’re so sure of what they want, even when it comes to finding a mate. The young people I know keep a list of characteristics that they are looking for in a significant other. The lists include categories like “must haves,” “bonus points,” and “deal breakers.”

“Must haves” might include things like a job, a sense of humor, and tight abs. “Bonus points” might be given for owning a house, having an advanced degree, or playing the alto sax. Nearly everyone has a list of “deal breakers” such as bad credit, restraining order, or black leather furniture.

Dating with a checklist is doomed to failure.

If I had made a list and stuck to it, I never would have found the love of my life, because my list would have included “no polyester knit bell bottoms, rusty car, or tendency to snore.” I married a man with all three and have…(Read more)

For a Good Cause

Solicitors will always be with us. And by solicitors, I don’t mean British lawyers or ladies of the evening. I mean other people who ask strangers for money, sometimes in exchange for goods, and sometimes in exchange for a tax write-off.

In hard times, solicitors get a little bolder.  I encountered two this week who impressed me with their determination, if not their people skills.

I was on my way into Walgreen’s when I spied a woman in a white uniform sitting at a table with a can and some laminated materials. I recognized a sob story waiting to happen, so I breezed by, ready to throw an “I’ll stop on my way out” over my shoulder if she spoke to me. She did not.

On my way out, as I had silently promised, I stopped. “Tell me your story,” I said.

She talked about single mothers, the homeless, and the hungry. She showed…(Read more)

This may get me in trouble

I sometimes receive hate mail from Republicans. I make no secret of my political leanings, but let me hasten to add that my opinions are strictly my own, and not those of this newspaper. So, if the following observations tick you off, send your rabid replies directly to mary@maryhanna.net.

Here’s what’s in the news and on my mind.

Karl Rove, the epitome of the big blowhard doofus, has called Joe Biden “a big blowhard doofus.” My question is, why are we still listening to Karl Rove?

It used to be that you needed a high school diploma to join the U. S. Army. Now, the Army is so desperate for recruits that it is helping dropouts with intensive study so they can get their GED while they do their basic training. Then it’s off to Iraq or Afghanistan for their graduation trip. Who knew the Army was so generous?

It’s a little-known fact…(Read more)