Oh, Behave!

My friend Zelda was loaded for bear.  During a 10-minute phone conversation she unleashed a stream of complaints against everyone from a driver holding a cell phone who almost backed into her, to a co-worker (A Master’s in English candidate) who, like, talks, like, you know, this.

When she had vented her spleen, Zelda and I discussed our role as elders in our society.  Should we take it upon ourselves to correct people who are not measuring up, or should we keep our mouths shut?  If we don’t uphold the standards of language and behavior that we see steadily eroding, who will?  Are we fated to become a society that can’t speak or write properly, won’t obey simple traffic rules, and thinks manners are old-fashioned?

Traffic offenders are a particular thorn in my side.  I carry on a one-sided conversation with them every time I’m behind the wheel.  It goes like this: “Did you not notice that stop sign?  You might if you put down your cell phone and got the dog off your lap… Seriously, are you passing me on the right?  Interesting choice…You idiot!  Stop honking at me!  I’ll turn when the guy in the wheelchair is out of the intersection!…Sir, would you like to pick a lane and stay there? I don’t think you’re allowed to straddle like that.”

While I love to correct people from the safety of my Subaru, I know better than to honk and yell.  These people aren’t ignorant of the traffic laws.  They just choose to break them.  A reminder from me would not be welcome.

I don’t confront people and try not to make gestures (although I am furiously shooting them the bird out of sight under the dashboard).  If someone does something particular egregious like forcing me to slam on the brakes so they can cut in front of me, I may involuntarily throw up my hands or slap my forehead.  Oh, and I swear like a sailor when provoked.  Just ask Keeper.

When it comes to grammar and syntax, I sometimes have to speak up.  After all, I do have some expertise in this area. Zelda and I have our own unit of the Grammar Police.  Zelda, who has a PhD and never ends a sentence with a preposition, corrects people on their language.  As an English teacher, this is her job.  I am more stealthy about it.  I send anonymous e-mails to companies whose web sites have embarrassing errors on them.  I once wrote a letter to a Fortune 500 company that ran an ad using the wrong form of “its.”  They did not acknowledge my letter, nor did they correct the ad.  Maybe I’m the only one who noticed.

Why bother? Because someone has to uphold some standards.  It is an increasingly thankless job.  Some younger people are unaware that there are rules about these things.  Others, whose parents raised them to question authority, are scornful of rules they see as unnecessary. (Who cares how I spelled it?  You knew what I meant, didn’t you?)

Here’s a plea from your elders: please try to follow the rules.  It’s not that hard, and it makes life so much easier for the rest of us.  If you must rebel, do so with your wardrobe and your music, like we did.