Step away from the cell phone

I saw a sad sight the other day: a 3-year-old in a stroller, clinging to her blanket and staring vacantly at the passing scenery while her mother, pushing the stroller, chatted on her cell phone.

This scene—parents talking on the phone and ignoring their children—is played out over and over again, all over the U.S. and whatever countries are adopting our sometimes twisted values.

Parents are missing so many opportunities to connect with their children. The cell-phoning mother could have been engaging with her child, pointing out all the flowers, talking about the neighborhood dogs, or asking her what she wanted for lunch.

Here comes the part where I tell you how it was in my day. Before you roll your eyes and call me sanctimonious, I will freely admit that I did my share of zoning out when my kids were little. I parked them in front of Sesame Street every afternoon, I put “Great Green Gobs Of Greasy Grimy Gopher Guts” on the record player so I could read one more chapter of The Thorn Birds.

One thing I didn’t do was make them be quiet in the car. Nowadays, parents play videos in the car to keep their children occupied. Do kids today even know how to play the license plate game?

When my boys were young, the car was the place where they would open up to me. There was something about the car that loosened their tongues. Maybe it was the fact that we were together, but not face-to-face. Maybe it was the fact that there was nothing else to do but talk to me – no iPods, no video screen, no hand-held electronic games.

Whatever the reason, our car trips around town were some of the best conversations we ever had. In fact, sometimes I would invent a reason to drive somewhere when I knew there was something bothering one of them. Inevitably, my offspring in the passenger seat would spill the beans about a bad grade, a playground bully, or some other worry.

I wonder how parents today find out this stuff. I see people in their cars with the kids in the back seat and the parents on the phone. At restaurants, with the parents on the phone and the kids bent over video games. On the street, the kids been dragged around while the parent is on the phone. Who are they talking to that’s more important than their children? Why are they squandering these opportunities?

If you need instructions on how to talk to your kids, popular media are full of advice on how to talk to your children about school, sex, drugs, war, peer pressure, body image, and on and on. I don’t care what you talk about. Just start a conversation.

Here’s the first step: put down the cell phone. If you must carry it with you, don’t answer it. If you must answer it, tell the caller, “I can’t talk to you now. I’m having a very important conversation.” Even if you’re just talking to your child about what to have for lunch.