Surprising Facts

Research is serious business. A lot of brain power–not to mention money–goes into studying questions of vital interest to our daily lives.

In the spirit of scientific discovery, I have unearthed for you these findings of crucial relevance, and offer you my own interpretation of the newly revealed facts.

Fact: While men generally eat fewer fruits and vegetables than women do, males eat significantly more asparagus than females, according to a recent study by the Oregon Department of Human Services.

Why? Two words: asparagus urine. Marcel Proust once said that eating the steamed spears “transforms my chamber-pot into a flask of perfume.” Men are infinitely more amused by this than women.

Fact: There is no solid evidence that the $5.6 billion annual cost of airport screening is effective in preventing terrorist incidents, according to the Harvard School of Public Health.

Why? When you ask a terrorist if he packed his bags himself, is he going to say “no”?

Fact: The frequency of sexual activity has little relationship to marital satisfaction in marriages of 13 years or more, says UC Davis social psychologist Rand Conger.

Why? Who needs sex? Give me a man who washes the dishes.

Fact: Men report having five hours per week more free time than women, according to University of Maryland researcher John P. Robinson.

Why? Women are doing the dishes.

Fact: Coffee is NOT addictive, according to the World Health Organization, although it IS a stimulant and can keep us alert.

Why? When compared to cocaine, coffee is a minor league habit. However, withdrawal can have serious consequences for those addicted to being alert.

Fact: Students already know 40-50% of what teachers are trying to teach them, according to a New Zealand study of 9-11 year olds.

Why? Children this age are still open to suggestion. By the time they’re 13, they already know 100% of what their teachers (and parents) try to tell them.

Fact: Most self-help books have it completely wrong when they say perfectionism is at the root of procrastination, says University of Calgary professor Dr. Piers Steele. Perfectionists actually procrastinate less, but worry about it more.

Why? Perfectionists want to be the best at everything, even worrying.

Fact: If you give someone a larger bowl, he will serve himself (and eat) more ice cream than he would if you gave him a smaller bowl, according to Cornell University researcher Brian Wansink.

Why? The larger bowl holds more. Duh!

Fact: The main complaint of university students is lack of sleep, according to Stanford University’s William Dement.

Why? Apparently “lousy football team” and “high cost of beer” were not offered as choices.