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The column explores such things as what to do when your child comes home with a tattoo; how to make orthopedic shoes sexy; and the key to a happy marriage (low expectations).
Published in six Bay Area newspapers from 2004-2009, the column is now exclusively available by individual subscription. The cost is less than you have in your sofa cushions right now. Click here to start your subscription.
24 Jul
Take Time to Celebrate
You know how I love the holidays—ANY holidays. No matter how obscure the observance, I want to honor tradition. If it means taking the day off from work, I’ll make the sacrifice. (Now that I‘m my own boss, I find it’s easier to explain why I need to stay home for Bulgarian Liberation Day.)
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17 Jul
Protocol for Public Nudity
It’s unfortunate that this has to be spelled out, However, I have noticed an increase in people running around naked and acting inappropriately, like the guy who led San Mateo County Sheriff’s Deputies on a high-speed chase last Saturday.
This 38-year-old perp not only harassed people by ringing their doorbells, he also led sheriff’s deputies on a high speed chase, then jumped out of the car and kicked in the door to someone’s house before he was finally subdued. The cops had to shoot beanbags at him while he was hiding in the bushes. This crime spree is bad enough. The capper is that he was naked the whole time.
Now, this gentleman helpfully demonstrated several “don’ts” of nude behavior . . .
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I’m in a minority group, and not just because I’m a straight Caucasian female in San Francisco. I’m one of the few who are blessed with a happy marriage. Having just witnessed my son’s wedding, I have some tips for ready-to-commit couples everywhere. . .
The Groom (Almost) Wore Shorts
There are few pleasures like seeing your son get married to the woman he loves. My son Tom has given me this delightful experience twice. On June 19, in what Samuel Johnson famously described as the triumph of hope over experience, Tom married the beautiful Clare in a simple courthouse ceremony.
Both had learned a painful message from previous marriages and they are ecstatic to find someone with whom to cuddle contentedly on the couch. (Thanks, Yahoo Personals!) . . .
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Summer is vacation time for most of us, and our recent jaunt to the Midwest and the East Coast taught me a few lessons about flying that I’m compelled to share. . .
Airport Etiquette 101: Keep It Moving
Air travel doesn’t have to be a nightmare of screaming babies, bad food, and surly gate agents. If only everyone would follow a few common-sense rules, which I’ve conveniently compiled for you, we could all go about our business with a minimum of fuss. . .
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26 Jun
Softball for Geezers
What a crazy couple of weeks! Keeper and I went to Indiana to attend son Tom’s wedding to the beautiful Clare, then went on to Virginia Beach for the Hanna family reunion. Despite my best intentions, I’m a bit late on this week’s column. On the plus side, I got some great material…
Softball for Geezers
Wish you could still feel like a young athlete despite your over-fifty status? Do what my brother-in-law Rob did: join an over-the-hill softball league. On his team of, uh…”experienced” slow pitch players, he’s a young stud.
Rob is a member of Northern Virginia Senior Softball, or, as his wife Stephanie calls it, the “Old Fart League.”
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19 Jun
Just One More
Would you like to make some easy money? Sit right down in front of this slot machine and enjoy a free drink…
Just One More
The idea for this column started with one of those made-for-TV movies starring the svelte-and-botoxed version of Delta Burke. Delta plays a wife, mother and director of a nonprofit. She’s an upstanding citizen until she visits her first casino. She quickly becomes addicted to the poker machines and ends up…
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Do you dream about attending your high school reunion and blowing everyone away with your wonderfulness? Yeah, like that’s gonna happen.
Skipping My High School Reunion
It’s high school reunion time and I’m not going to mine. Sure, I’m curious about what happened to the cheerleaders and the jocks and everyone else who was at the top of the heap, and I harbor a secret hope that they are all living in squalor in a trailer park somewhere.
The reason I’m not going is …
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05 Jun
Taking My Own Advice
I’m a sucker for advice columns. If I had my own, I’d give out some tough love, I’ll tell you that. Maybe I should start with myself. Here’s a taste of this week’s column…
Taking My Own Advice
I get asked a lot of questions, as does anyone whose e-mail address is on the web. Most of the questions are poorly written inquiries into my sexual prowess, with promises to enhance it with some product or other for a low, low price of only $49.95. If these hucksters took the time to target their sales pitch, they would know that
- middle-aged women do not buy penis-extenders, and
- spelling counts, even in a male-enhancement ad.
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I do love a good party and next month provides a million reasons to get together and celebrate! Here’s your personal invitation to THE party of the summer!
It’s Gonna Be One Helluva Party
You are cordially invited to a party in honor of National Bathroom Reading, Perennial Gardening, Soul Food Heritage, Aphasia Awareness, and Turkey Lovers’ Month. . .
Download bogus invitation: